Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
