Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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