I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
