when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
