Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
