so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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