I have demons in me.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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