If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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