Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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