THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
