I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
