Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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