Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
