if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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