i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
