about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
