he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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