Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
