i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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