WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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