Swine flu. Run for my life!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
