his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
