he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
