stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
