You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
