This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
