ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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