Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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