jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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