I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she smelled like a LAN party
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
