im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
