That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
