We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
