no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
