Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I could fuck to npr.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
