I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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