i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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