Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I smell stomach acid.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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