I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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