I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
