Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
