i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
