Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
