new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
