just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
please come you make the beer taste better
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
