??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
