I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
All the doctor said was why
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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