yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
