I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
is that a dick in a sweater?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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