I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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