hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
